Title: oh mother 

"oh mother" will be out new years day. It will be the first song released that is fully produced and mixed by myself. I spent so long going into different studios & just not being able to record what I hear in my head as I could never explain it. So now for the next little while, I will be producing and mixing my own work. I'm very nervous about it because I am still learning how to produce but so far I am really in love with my new sound. I have spent the last year putting in hours of recording and learning. I still have a long way to go & by no means do I call myself a producer but our time is short & I'd just rather be having fun recording songs that I truly love. 

"oh mother" is about a dream I had whilst in the hospital in Toronto. With all the drugs that they had to give me after the liver transplant, I started having delirium. This is basically a dream state but in the dream everything plays out exactly like real life & you don't know you're sleeping. You feel everything & most of the time the dreams were extremely intense but each one seemed to teach me something. It was frustrating because I wouldn't know I was dreaming & when I woke up, I would be in a hospital bed confused. The best way to describe the feeling was like slipping into a different dimension. 

In this particular dream, I went with my family to a store to get a bathing suit to go swimming. I left the van & became lost. I could eventually hear my parents voice on the other side of this enormous fence with no way of going around or over top so I could not get to them and in the dream, I was losing it. After waking up, it made me think that I needed to let my parents in more as I would always push them away. And now as I grow older, I'm beginning to see that the only thing that matters is family. Whether its blood or not, you need people that have your back. I wouldn't have been able to get through the whole liver transplant fiasco without them. I remember telling my mom about this dream & all she said was "oh collin". Trying to comfort me because I was upset over this new realization. 


As time passes, things change. As you grow older, time goes by faster which in turn makes changes seem like a blink of an eye.


Shortly before my album release last year, my sister found out she has brain cancer. This is what the second half of the song is about. So many people are going through the same thing & its so frustrating because there's nothing you can do other than be there. I wanted to include her in this because I know that she was feeling the same way I felt when I wound up in the hospital. Things can turn super negative fast but she holds her head high while chaos unfolds around her. I think that alone tells me she's going to make it through.

I hope others will love this song but I know now I'm genuinely happy with this new sound that I have been working on & I just think that's what matters most now. I'd love to hear what you think about "oh mother" or if you have any question, do not hesitate to ask them. 

Thank you so much for reading & listening, I hope this finds you well.

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Copyright (c) Collin Clowes  | All Rights Reserved 2020